I was going to take the easy route this week by talking about Godzilla. But what can we say that hasn't been said already? The film sucks. Even re-watching it on video (as I did a few weeks ago, thinking maybe my hatred for the film was unwarranted), the big green one is just as underwhelming as it/he/she was with stadium seating. Godzilla is a rotten, miserable, worthless excuse for a movie and there's no way you could justify watching it. Your time would be better spent running a cheese grater across your face. Teach the evil corporate overlords that made this piece of crap a lesson by AVOIDING THIS MOVIE AT ALL COSTS!

Suicide Kings

Since slamming on Godzilla is too damn easy, let me warn you away from another new release, Suicide Kings.

A group of truly unsympathetic rich kids kidnap a powerful mafia figure (Christopher Walken, deadpan as usual). You see, one of the yuppie kids ("Elliot" from E.T. who looks a lot like Crispin Glover) has a kidnapped sister and, in keeping with the absurd logic of the whole film, these yuppie scumbags figure they'll use Walken to smoke out the kidnappers.

A lot of standing around and talking takes place. Dennis Leary plays . . . (surprise!) Dennis Leary. Eventually it turns out that one (or more) of the unsympathetic yuppie kids is involved in the (alleged) kidnapping.

Obviously based on a failed stage play, Suicide Kings is a wonderful example of self-indulgent filmmaking, right down to the "deeply meaningless" title. Even a super-downbeat ending can't save this piece of junk that seems to have sprung from the cold imagination of a rich kid who watched a bunch of Tarentino films. WOOF!

The Butcher Boy - Based on the spooky/funny novel of the same name by Patrick McCabe and directed by Neil (Crying Game, Interview With the Vampire) Jordan, The Butcher Boy gets props simply for the fact that the main character is a sociopathic pre-teen!

Francie Brady (played wonderfully by Eamonn Owens, a child actor who's NOT ANNOYING) is a young Irish lad growing up in the 1960s. His father is an alcoholic. His mother is a manic depressive. The (financially destitute) town views the Brady clan as pariahs. Only Francie's good buddy Joe can give him reason to enjoy life.

But if things start out poorly for Francie, the worst is yet to come. His mother commits suicide. His father dies. Francie is sent to a strict Catholic orphanage where he is molested by the vicar. He begins to see visions of the Virgin Mary (played, ironically enough, by Sinead O'Connor). As Francie descends further and further into his sociopathically delusional world, he realizes that the source of all of his misery is the nosy neighbor Mrs. Nugent. So, in a final fit of madness, Francie decides to take care of the (imagined) source of all of his woes.

The real charm of The Butcher Boy is the fact that it can take a truly dark and depressing art film and make it magical and whimsical - a feat that hasn't been attempted much (although Peter Jackson's Heavenly Creatures does spring to mind). Eamonn Owens as the young Francie is excellent - and I usually don't like kid actors. The Butcher Boy is definitely recommended, as is any film that can make you laugh and repulse you at the same time.

SOMETHING OLD

River's Edge - Speaking of sociopathic kids and Crispin Glover, here's a sick little puppy that, while critically acclaimed, isn't nearly as famous as it should be. And not just because it's got a truly interesting cast including the aforementioned Glover, Daniel Roebuck, Dennis Hopper, Ione Sky, the eternally creepy Joshua Miller (he was the vampire stuck in a kid's body in Near Dark), and a pre-Bill & Ted Keanu Reeves.

Basically the story of a bunch of wastoid northern California teens who do nothing to report a murder committed by one of their friends, River's Edge perfectly captures the nihilistic malaise of the lower middle class. These kids are realistic. None of the smarmy "know it all" banter of Dawson's Creek or the infuriating inarticulateness of My So-Called Life's high school losers. While the River's Edge kids aren't the brightest, their reactions to the murder are horrifyingly matter-of-fact.

Throw in a truly depressing subplot involving Dennis Hopper as a one-legged, ex-biker dope dealer, and you've got a powerful and compelling film that never backs away from its challenging subject matter.

Ooops. Sounds like the film school geek in me started to come out. In a nutshell: If you're looking for a teen movie that isn't chock full of pedantic panty raiding or "too hip" monologues, give River's Edge a viewing. Seriously good stuff.

- Editor X