Lucio Fulci's The Beyond Back in Theaters!

What do Quentin Tarentino and Sylvester Stallone's son Sage have in common? How about impeccable taste in cheesy Italian horror flicks? Tarentino's Rolling Thunder Pictures and Stallone's Grindhouse Releasing have collaborated to release Lucio Fulci's 1981 splat-classic The Beyond for the first time in its uncut, remastered glory.

Legend has it that on earth there are seven hidden gateways to hell. And woe is the poor son-of-a-gun who stumbles upon one . . . Which leads us to Katriona MacColl's character Liza, who has recently inherited an old hotel in the swamps of Louisiana. You guessed it, the hotel is constructed on top of one of the aforementioned "doors of death." Before you can say "reticular damage," all kinds of strange crap is going on - Liza's workers keep having tragic "accidents" that leave them eyeball-less and a mysterious blind girl (who might be a ghost) repeatedly delivers foreboding warnings that - naturally - go unheeded. With the help of the Marlboro-Man-looking doctor (Italian schlock fave David Warbeck), Liza discovers that something spooky is amiss . . . but by that time it's too late. Because (as anybody who watches George Romero flicks knows) when the Gates of Hell are opened, the dead shall walk the earth.

They simply do not make films like this anymore (much less release them in the theaters). Lucio Fulci, lord rest his soul, proves his standing as "the undisputed king of ocular violence" with The Beyond - the precious orbs are plucked, skewered, eaten by tarantulas, and disintigrated by acid (all in loving closeup and glorious Technicolor). While The Beyond is an unapologetic gore-fest, it does have enough spooky atmosphere and genuine ambiance to make it worth watching.

After viewing countless censored, muddy versions of The Beyond - Thriller Video's cut, big-box version (titled The Seven Doors of Death) comes to mind - it was a joy to finally view this crisp new print with the correct aspect ratio and all the juicy stuff intact. As I sat in the back of the screening room, cackling madly at the action on screen, other critics were evacuating the theater with the same look of disgust that I reserve for Sandra Bullock romances . . .

. . . But what the (gates of) hell. The Beyond wasn't released so that Rex Reed could exercise his scathing wit, it was released for the folks who get it. I personally could care less about expensive CGI that zips by on screen. Give me a director with the cojones to film a lingering closeup of a not-too-convincing latex and Karo effect any day! In a time where every big-budget "asteroid hitting the earth" flick needs millions in advertising, special effects, and stars, it's truly refreshing to see a film that "nobody wanted" (as stated by another reviewer) getting a decent treatment.

Speaking of decent treatment, the Grindhouse/Rolling Thunder folks are reviving the long-lost art of cheap, creative marketing. The Beyond will open in seven cities simultaneously at midnight on June 12th (consider yourself lucky if you live in New York, LA, Austin, Detroit, Toronto, Denver, or Boston). And the first twenty folks at each screening get their own The Beyond eyeball! P.T. Barnum (not to mention William Castle) would be proud!