The Dirty Dozen Goes To China

Years ago, living in my squalid Chicago Chinatown apartment, I stumbled across the wonderful brain-smashing world of Hong Kong cinema. After several months of viewing a wide spectrum of HK product, I turned to my roommate one day and said, "Hey. Why don’t they have these great movies at Gweilo video stores (i.e. Blockbuster - as Gweilo as a store can get)? It was a brilliant concept and would’ve gotten off the ground if the premiere Hong Kong video production company, Tai Seng Video, hadn’t beat me to it. I guess it helps that they already had the rights to the films . . .

. . . Nevertheless, I’m glad that the good folks at Tai Seng have re-packaged and fixed up a large handful of their titles for the growing white boy market. Spiffy new boxes with English title translations, correctly cropped aspect ratios, and readable sub-titles (and get this - they actually put the subs in the black beneath the image!!!!!) are all reasons to rush right out and look for the Tai Seng label.

Which brings us to Eastern Condors.

A sort of Dirty Dozen in Chinese, Condors chronicles the adventures of a group of Vietnamese/Chinese convicts who are hired by the U.S. government to destroy a hangar full of American weapons that was abandoned in Vietnam at the end of the war. The group, led by Director and kung-fu master extaordinaire Samo Hung (look for Samo's new TV series, Martial Law, this fall on CBS!), is your usual down-on-their luck, rag tag bunch of antiheroes ala’ Snake Plissken. Forced to do the government’s dirty work because they really have no other choice. As usual with these kinds of films, the mission is officially denied by the U.S. - a death trap with no hope of survival for the "Condors." But our heroes are tougher and more resourceful than anyone expects . . .

I loved this film. Heart, passion, violence, beauty, and grace all rolled up into a breakneck plot that never stops to breathe. The body count in this sucker puts all three Rambo flicks to shame. And I’m not just talking about the bad guys. Anyone who has ever watched a Hong Kong film knows what I’m talking about. No one is safe in these things. Even heroes can die in the east. Predictability is not an option with these movies, which makes your emotional stake in them even greater. And it ain’t just a dozen dead heroes here, folks, because they hook up with a trio of whup-ass Cambodian guerilla girls and resourceful black marketeer Yuen Biao. More gunfire and blood squibs than you can shake a stick at . . . but if you (like me) like a little kung-fu action with your gunfights, Eastern Condors delivers!

Directed by Hung, one of the greatest martial artists to ever be captured on film (an amazing feat as it is, but even more so when you witness Samo’s girth), Condors also stars Yuen Biao and Yuen Wah, two graduates (along with Hung and Jackie Chan) of the now defunct Peking Opera School. These guys are phenomenal. Sheer poetry in motion. The sequence where Biao and Hung - unarmed - stalk and kill an entire platoon of soldiers is enough to leave you slack jawed. The grand finale’ fight in a weapons bunker is one of the most thrilling sequences ever filmed, particularly due to Yuen Wah as a giggling, fan-wielding bad guy. If you thought you knew kung-fu from watching The Five Deadly Venoms or Fist of Fury - think again. All notions of cheesy sound effects and stilted action posing will be destroyed upon a single viewing of Eastern Condors.

The film is nearly flawless. It left me in a dazed state of euphoria. If you’ve never witnessed a new Hong Kong film, Eastern Condors is the perfect introduction to the genre. And now that Tai Seng has made it more widely available, you have no excuse not to go out and find it. You won’t be disappointed.