Insert Bad "Pussy" Joke Here

Shot in 1993 and shelved until the geniuses at Troma could devise a clever title and marketing campaign, Teenage Catgirls in Heat is only mildly entertaining at best despite the alluring title.

An ancient Egyptian statue of the cat Goddess appears in the attic of a midwestern old lady. The idol begins to talk, demanding sacrifice in order to usher in "the great litter" - a race of cat people who are far superior to mere mortals. The statue demands the death of all of the town’s cats (some of the best sequences involve the cats committing suicide en masse - stuffed kitties flying off rooftops). The dead cats soon transform into - you guessed it - Teenage Catgirls in Heat!

The rest of the plot follows the exploits of two local yokels. There’s Ralph, the reluctant hero and Warren, a "pussy hunter" (read: cat finder) with a propensity for overacting and a pick-up truck full of five-and-dime store cat-hunting tech. The "girl-ifed" cats go on the prowl for human mates to impregnate them (an easy task, given that the Catgirls wander around naked for a majority of the film’s running time). Several long, protracted, and uninspiring sequences later, the humans and cats come to an understanding and mutual respect for one another . . .

Teenage Catgirls in Heat is a classic example of loads of ambition coupled with a lack of technical skills and decent equipment. Shot in the desolate, barren wasteland of the midwest, the entire film looks like director Scott Perry bought a 16mm camera at a garage sale, called up seven of his closest friends and said, "Hey, guys, let’s make a movie!"

Now, don’t go thinking I’m unsympathetic towards the struggles of the independent filmmaker. Truth be told, I have worked on many, many no-budget beginner films. Trying to make something - anything - with limited resources is a dubious task and the creators of Catgirls should be commended just for getting a sequence of images onto celluloid. Nevertheless, the film is only inspiring in a "Wait a minute, I could make a better movie than this" kind of way. According to the Internet Movie Database, the cinematographer of Catgirls is the only person involved who went on to other projects. And he’s the one to blame for the most distracting and annoying aspect of Catgirls: the terrible color balance and light continuity. I don’t want to come off sounding like some kind of elitist film school snob, but even my fiancee was asking why the movie was blue in one shot and brown in the next one. Most of the time the viewer is forced to squint and wonder which blurry dot is which character, a potential headache for even the most non-demanding viewers (of which I am one).

But what do you expect from a movie called Teenage Catgirls in Heat? Naked women? They're in there. Goofy slapstick by amateur actors? It’s in there. A clever tag line and box art? You betcha. Still, not one of Troma’s better flicks. Then again, it’s just a "Troma-acquired" film, not a Troma-produced film, which makes me want to go easy on it.

You want naked babes? Go rent Eve’s Beach Fantasy. You want Troma action and sick humor? Rent Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD. You want something that will make your home movies look decent productions, rent Teenage Catgirls in Heat.

That’s right, you non-believers. This review should prove that I’m not on Troma’s payroll (well, not anymore). But Catgirls aside, I still love those guys.

- Trent Haaga