Pelvis-Pulverizing Fun

Forget the smarmy Brady Brunch retreads, the real essence of the 70's can be found in the seemingly endless pageant of the "Me" decade's dubious celebrities. Game show vagrants like Brett Sumner and George Gobel. Husband and wife acts like Shields And Yarnell and Marilyn McCoo and Billy Newton Davis. And daredevils like The Human Fly and the immortal Evel Knievel.

In 1952, 14-year Robert Craig Knievel was picked up for stealing hubcaps in his hometown of Butte, Montana, and incarcerated with another petty crook named Knaufel. The local paper declared that "Awful Knawful and Evil Kneivel" had been caught. Robert, visionary that he was, changed the spelling and a unique era in American pop culture was born.

Having by his own admission "mastered" the art of conventional motorcycle racing, Evel came up with the notion that long distance cycle jumping was not all that dissimilar to broad jumping: start the charge from a distance, and then build up speed to a great launch over a ramp. He began experimenting with jumping a dozen cars, then gradually increased the number to over 19. During his career, Evel would jump shark tanks, rattlesnakes, and, unsuccessfully, the fountains at Caesar's Palace in 1967 (a failure that left him comatose for a month).

In 1977, no less a studio than Warner Brothers must've felt that Evel's prodigious gut, towering pompadour, and star-spangled jumpsuit to be a logical extension of Star Wars science-fiction mania, and unleashed the asinine Viva Knievel on an unsuspecting public. Evel's life story had already been immortalized on celluloid before with the highly-fictionalized Evel Knievel, directed by Marvin J. Chomsky in 1972, starring George Hamilton.

Directed by Gordon (In Like Flint) Douglas, Viva Knievel opens with a prowler at large in a home for orphaned boys. A child awakens, and his face fills with the sort of glow that we wouldn't see again until years later when Henry Thomas stared in awe at an otherworldly bipedal Reese's Pieces junkie. The boys rise, and behold, 'tis Evel himself, in a funky blue leisure suit and wide collar, risking the wrath of the nuns to bust in and hand out Evel Knievel Action Figures to the wayward youths, all the while slapping 'em "high fives'. Evel obviously fancied this film a religious parable as well (heck, he already had the televangelist hairdo): in a standout moment, a boy rises from his bed, and shambles towards Evel on crutches. "You know when you walked away from that accident? I figured, if you could do it, so could I! You're the reason I'm walking Evel! You're the reason!" he exclaims, before tossing away the crutches!

For those of you with the intestinal fortitude, things get even better: Enter RED BUTTONS as a sleazy promoter, trying to fill up dangerous seats too close to the stadium jump ramp! Who roughs him up to tell him to clean up his act? Why, Evel's reliable grease monkey of course, described by Buttons as 'a gorilla". And just who do you think played this hairless ape? Remember, this is 1977: William Smith? John Saxon? Nope it's GENE KELLY, of course! Swiggin' from the bottle, dropping the 'g's from his sentences, and lamenting his estranged son at the Military Academy, Kelly was most definitely NOT the model for Nicholas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas.

The remaining costars are true 70's staples: MARJOE GORTNER as Evel's former partner; CAMERON MITCHELL as a mob thug; LAUREN HUTTON as a "photojournalist"; and a pre-Zucker/Abrams LESLIE NIELSEN as the crime boss. His dastardly plot: kill Evel, steal his van, fill it with drugs, and drive it back to the USA from Mexico. And you thought Mission Impossible didn't make sense!

In run-on sermons right out of the remake of Dragnet, Evel continually preaches from the pulpit on everything from teen drug use to the evils of alcoholism. He delivers this beauty to the spectators early in the film:

"Ladies and gentlemen, it's a pleasure to be with you in Long Beach today. Y'know I see a lotta young people here in the stands today, and before I make the jump, there's something I want to say to you, that's been bothering me for a long time. I go to Indianapolis every year, to see the Indy 500. I go there with friends to drive and race. Every year when they go to qualify, they usually have to go as fast as they possibly can to get a front row position. They put nitro in their cars sometimes, instead of fuel that's intended to be in the cars, so they do go faster. And they do. For about 5 to ten laps. And then they blow all to hell! And you people, you kids, if you put nitro in your bodies, in the form of narcotics, so that you can do better--or think you can do better, you will, for about 5 to ten years, and then you'll BLOW -- ALL TO HELL! "

Needless to say, Evel saves the day by using his wits and his airborne "stratocycle". Gortner flies to Italy to do Starcrash with David Hasselhoff; Lauren Hutton goes on to The Eyes Of Laura Mars; Leslie Nielsen does a couple of Quinn Martin Productions; and Gene Kelly counts the days until Xanadu.

Evel's career barely survived this sorry spectacle. The next year, he retired at age 50 after 12 years as an American folk hero (1967-1978). But his own son Robbie would go on to exceed his poppa's record: 22 vehicles in one launch.

It's recently been announced that Jesse Dylan and Marco Brambilla are developing a new "Knievel" biopic at Universal Pictures. Sacrilege, I say! Any attempt to better Gordon's epic would surely rank as a cinematic on crime with...well, remaking Psycho. Now a "Special Edition" DVD, I could handle...

- Maxx Renn